Categorized | Understanding Men

Why Men Pull Away When Things are Starting to Develop

Maggie was confused. Rick had blown her away on their first two dates. No guy had ever worked so hard to impress her, and impressed she was. He was attentive, respectful, gentle and engaged. And then, just about that time she decided she’d fallen for him, poof. He pulled away. Overnight, she was working to get his attention. Why do men suddenly pull away when things are starting to develop?

Certainly, not every man pulls back when things start to actually develop, but a lot of guys do. Enough, in fact, that this is a common question among women. Guys come on strong, pursuing with enough passion to make Romeo jealous, but when they win the attention of their Juliet, things suddenly turn a turn.

What gives?

Look, dating can be pretty complicated. Yes, it’s fun and exciting, but it’s also nerve-racking if you don’t know what’s going on in his mind. On the front end, it’s all about the chase. He’s trying to get your attention, and you’re deciding whether or not he’s worth it. That’s the time in any dating relationship when both people are so wrapped up in the pursuit that they’re hardly giving any thought to the time beyond it.

And then, the pursuit changes. You decide you’re into the guy, and he, having won your attention, has to begin the process of considering an actual, serious relationship. Does he want one? More than likely, or he wouldn’t have been chasing it! But, wanting it and being fearless about it are two different things.

So, what’s a girl to do?

Here’s what you don’t do. First, don’t assume it’s about you. It almost certainly isn’t. He was into you before you decided you were into him. He’s still into you, now. Second, don’t pressure him. This is where a lot of the advice columns get it wrong. They often say you should play “hard to get” or some version of it. Instead, let him know you’re interested in him. Do it in subtle ways that don’t smother or push. Text messages every hour, on the hour, for example, might be over-doing it. When men suddenly pull away, many women tend to hoard the man and try to pry open his shell. Don’t make this mistake of forcing him to open up and share his feelings. You won’t have a lot of luck there, and you’ll only push him further away. As a rule of thumb, never pressure him into saying things he’s not ready to say, especially when he is being distant.

The truth is that he pulled away because he’s a little nervous. He’s nervous because he is about to give up the freedom of choice, making him feel vulnerable and causing him to withdraw. During the pursuit phase, it’s desire that motivates him. As soon as he realizes this could be something real, his motivation shifts. Suddenly he’s thinking about the many options he will give up, or the lifestyle changes when he commits to spending a lot of time with you. (A lot of guys have an irrational fear that their activities will all become feminized if they commit to a woman).

Don’t freak out — that’ll freak him out

When he’s acting this way, you don’t have to change what you’re doing. When he pulls away, you act calm and patient. Don’t freak out — that’ll freak him out. Don’t demand his attention — that’ll send him running. And don’t launch into panic that he’s seen some fatal flaw in you — that’ll put you in a negative frame of mind that’s anything but attractive.

He pursued you for the first few dates, hoping you’d decide you were into him. He’s been out there on a limb. Now it’s your turn. Give him enough space to feel comfortable while still letting him know you’re interested. Any guy who truly wants a mature, real relationship will come around as soon as he sees there’s nothing there to be afraid of. Any guy who’s not ready for a real relationship probably wasn’t the catch you thought he was.

Yes, you will win back his heart

You are not certainly alone in these experiences. Thanks to this fact, a great deal of research was done by relationship experts all around the world to understand the psychology of men when they suddenly pull away from a loving and intimate relationship. The good news is, there is proven information out there to help you do the right thing in these situations. If you know exactly what to do, you will win back his heart, have him commit to you and love you more than ever before. This video explains it all: Make Him Desire You