Categorized | Understanding Men

3 out of 4 Talking Styles Turn Men Off – Get it Right!

When you consider that three out of the total of four communication styles turn off men, it is no longer intriguing why quarrels are so prevalent between men and women. Communication styles are categorised as passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive.

Passive communicators usually try to avoid confrontation and don’t spell out their thoughts. This usually stems from issues of low self esteem. Resentment and grievances accumulate till an unbearable level, leading to outbursts. On the other hand, aggressive talkers tend to shout or threaten their way through to get what they want. They are very critical and adopt aggressive physical stances when stating their demands or unhappiness. They also deflect blame from themselves at all times. Needless to say, this does not go down well with guys as they don’t like to lower themselves to a submissive position.

Women who communicate in a passive-aggressive manner do not confront aggravating people or issues and appear to be cooperative on the front. They mutter to themselves or complain to their confidantes. This usually occurs when they are not in a position of power to express their thoughts and negotiate. Hence, they are likely to direct their resentment towards sabotaging or behind-the-back undermining efforts as a way of getting back. Men are often confused with passive-aggressive communication as they have to double-guess the meaning behind your words.

If you see glimpses of yourself from the aforementioned styles of communication, you need to work on a positive way of expressing your thoughts, which lead us to assertive communication. Assertive women appeal to men because the latter knows where they stand with you. They don’t have to play the guessing game when it comes to figuring out what you think and how you feel. Being assertive benefits you in the sense that you are able to speak your mind while conducting yourself in a dignified, respectful manner.

Here’s an example of assertive communication. Supposedly your man has forgotten to bring you out for a date during the weekends. Many women tend to respond resent by giving the man cold shoulders. Chances are, the guy will still not remember what he has done wrong and even feel grieved for getting such treatment. An assertive woman will sit the man down and tell him something along the lines of “I am disappointed that you have forgotten our date. I hope you can make a greater effort into remembering your promises the next time. Do you think you can do it?”

There you go. By being assertive, you were able to make a statement without setting off the defensive mechanisms of your man. He probably feels very guilty and would want to make it up to you. Sounds way better than an ugly confrontation and a cold war.